25 01 2016

People who feint during the commute.

Bloody annoying.

Yup it’s commuter rant time.

And no, that’s not a typo.


I feel sorry for people that faint, never nice.

But feinters?

A recent phenomenon that I’ve never noticed before, but now that I have I can’t help but notice them all around me.


I’m one of those saddos who knows the path of least resistance when travelling to and from work and walks with a degree of pace.

(Where to stand on the Tube platform so the doors open in front of you and so on.)

So when things get in my way or don’t conform to commuter rules, it gets on my goat.

Sad, I know.

So anyway, what the hell am I taking about?

During that commuter rush people invariably get in the way.

You can normally anticipate, alter course and avoid a crash in a second, especially when it involves a fellow commuter.

Feinters are different.

Feinters live by their own rules.

Feinters only reveal themselves at the last possible second.

Picture the scene – you are heading towards an escalator but are planning on walking up / down.

There’s a volume of shuffling people who peel off like Red Arrows to stand on the right or walk on the left.

The person in front of me is taking their time to get on the escalator but is indicating by their position on the left that they intend to walk down.

Then all of a sudden, BOOM!

They have darted to the right to stand.

Precious milliseconds lost in the commute which could mean turning up to the tube to have the doors close in your face, you miss the fast train home and then get grief from the wife for being late.

You can’t risk undertaking them before the feint for fear of a collision.

It’s also the same walking behind them.

They meander left, then right and back to centre at the same time as you do.

A mandatory “tut” as you eventually get past.

Look out for them on your next journey.

Especially when you have somewhere to get to fast.




For the love of queues…

15 01 2016

Last night I went to see the Orlando Magic take on the Toronto Raptors with my brother-in-law and a couple of his friends.

It was a good game, going into overtime with the Raptors winning by three points.

At the end of the game, I think I began to feel my feet again.

Let me explain.

On arriving at the O2 where the game was held, I joined a queue outside to get in.

No idea why, but I’m British and that’s what we do.

Fortunately it was the correct thing to do before going through security.

There were four long snaking queues taking an age to move due to, I assumed, heightened security checks.

It was a tad chilly.

My work shoes offered little heat protection.

But we queued on stoically.

We noticed that people were simply ignoring the queues and simply went to the front, barging in accordingly.

Being good British queuers we vented our fury under our breath and did nothing about it.

Still, I’m not sure why these people arrive, look at four huge queues to get in and then just blatantly ignore it?

“Oh look at that queue, they must be going into see the basketball like me. Idiots, they must love queues. I can’t be bothered to be civil to my fellow human beings so I’m just going to jump the queue and make them wait longer in the cold.”


So after about 90 minutes of queuing, grumbling and doing nothing about it, I lost all feeling in my feet.

Just as well that I had a close up view of the game to make up for it.



Beanz Meanz, er, I’m not sure anymore…

24 08 2015

What on earth is going on?

I used to find solace in food.

Especially branded food.

There was a constant, a taste guarantee that other own label brands could not surpass.

From tomato sauce to tuna, some brands were just simply the best.

But my branded food world was turned upside down the other day by the power of just one word.

A word that causes panic amongst some, negativity amongst others and smugness in the rest.

This word?


My food snobbery was put to the test.

With an almost petulant attitude I succumbed to having Aldi beans on toast at home.

Wifey’s on a cost saving exercise.

I was brought up on Heinz baked beans.

It felt wholeheartedly wrong to betray them (does that make me a has-bean?).

I felt layers of comfort being peeled away as easily as an Aldi onion.

And the result?

Regrettably they were good.

In fact I preferred them.

So I’ll tell you what Beanz Meanz.

Beanz Meanz Aldi (and saving a ton of cash).

Fire and forget…

20 08 2015

What do emails and the AGM-114 Hellfire missile have in common?

Clue’s in the title of the blog.

I’m becoming increasingly annoyed at the attitude behind work emails.

Just because you hit send does not mean you don’t need to follow-up with the recipient.

Just because you hit send does not mean you can wash your hands of any further action until otherwise contacted.

Just because, well, just because.

What is it with people’s insistence on hiding behind emails?

I’ve worked with so many people who, rather than get off their behinds and walk 10 metres, would rather send an email.

I know what you’re thinking “Nah mate, it’s just that nobody wants to talk to you!”

Technology is meant to be an enabler not an inhibitor.

No wonder people’s social skills and ability to work with others face-to-face is sadly on the downturn.

Working relationships will never truly develop if people are either too lazy or scared to pick up a phone or meet in person.

And the potential view from the company?

Fire and forget.

He didn't give two monkeys what happened next.

He didn’t give two monkeys what happened next. Attribution: Photo: Graeme Main/MOD

My family is now complete…

14 08 2015

<edit: it’s been about 4 weeks, since I wrote this, trying to play catch up!>

As you may have noticed, I did not have a 38 week post update on our pregnancy.

I’m proud to say that on 25th June 2015 at 1710hrs, Logan Jago Mellor was born.

Mother and baby are both well.

Logan was two weeks early, weighing in at 6lbs 4ozs.

He may have been small but his presence was certainly felt.

The two weeks that followed will be looked back upon with fond memories.

It was two of the best and hardest weeks of my life.

Both my parents and Wifey’s parents were there to help look after JJ while we were in hospital.

After they left we had a week to ourselves letting it all sink in.

Wifey’s Mum stayed with us for a week to help out – a godsend.

I’ve finished my paternity leave and am back at work.


I miss my family like crazy but I’m sure routine will kick in again soon enough.

My Mum and Dad are now with us to help out.

Thank the maker for family.

Photos will follow.

19 06 2015

As I watched someone leave a paper Costa coffee cup on a bench and walk away, it reminded how annoyed I get with litter.

I got so annoyed I promptly did nothing about it and left the rubbish on the bench, cursing under my breath.

No bin?

Hold on to your rubbish until you find one you lazy git.

You should be allowed to pick up said rubbish and chuck it at them saying “I think you left something behind you lazy git.”

Lazy git.

And then it hit me (not some rubbish I left behind).

Perhaps these litter louts are a means to an end.

Bear with me here.

There are obviously not enough bins on the streets.

And what does this lead to?

Someone needs to buy more bins.

The bins need to be made.

The materials need to be supplied.

Areas need to be mapped in terms of footfall to determine the best place for the bins.

The bins then need to be placed and secured.

People will be needed to empty the bins.

Perhaps we need an ad campaign to push people to use the bins.

So we need people hired to come up with a campaign.

Etc. Etc. Etc.

All on a UK scale.

Therefore perhaps these litter louts aren’t the blight on society that I make them out to be.

They could actually help drive jobs, profits and a cleaner landscape for all.

Perhaps we should all become litter louts.

Actually, that’s a rubbish idea.

Just put rubbish in the bin.

37 weeks, not long to go…

17 06 2015

Wifey is 37 weeks today.

“Bunky” is becoming more obvious with his movements.

We were at Whipsnade Zoo with JJ when I took this video (watch closely).

Crazy to think there is a little human in there that can’t wait to get out.

Well that moment might be slightly sooner than planned.

Subject to tests and consultations, Bunky could be with us any day now…