Emotions are for wimps…

25 08 2011

As you may have gathered, it’s been a hell of a year on the getting pregnant front.

We’re pregnant, we’re not, we’re pregnant, we’re not, we’re pregnant.

A lot of my friends have already gone through successful pregnancies (a few have had tough times too), but one thing that has surprised me throughout is the repressed nature of talking about miscarriages from a bloke’s point of view.

When I started to talk to people about it I was quite startled to learn I was not alone.

Now that may sound a bit odd, but I’ve learnt that the topic of miscarriage is not really something you talk about over a pint with your mates.

See the score last night?

Yeah, gutted. I just wish they’d sort out their midfield and sack their manager.

Nah, they need to take advantage of the transfer window. Oh and by the way, the missus had a miscarriage last night.

Oh. Erm. What’s that over there?” *quick exit*

Now I’m not trying to imply that we should all get out there and talk about miscarriages over a pint but where should a bloke initially turn to talk about it? Should we talk about it? Do we actually want to talk about it?

Well I do, if only to be (hopefully) a source of thoughts for chaps to read about. Future entries will explore this and talk about it more.

The first key fact that I learnt is that miscarriages are quite a common occurrence. Figures seem to vary from 1 in 3 to 1 in 5 but I had no idea. When you start thinking about having kids you don’t want to think about what could go wrong. No one should have to worry about what could go wrong. You don’t get married thinking that you should consider the ramifications about getting divorced! You want to get caught up in and enjoy the moment.

The second key fact I went on to learn was that it’s ok to talk about miscarriages. It may be a taboo subject with some people but it’s a fact of life, like death. We can choose to ignore it or embrace it. The more I talked about it the more desensitised I became. I then found more and more people who had gone through the same experience from family to work colleagues.

Perhaps it’s just a personality trait, the confidence or want in the individual to talk about it. I spent a good deal of time in my own space crying, deliberately not wanting my wife see me. Not talking about it. That might have been a mistake, but as far as I was concerned I needed to be as solid as a rock for her. I felt that if we talked about it too much, I would just be keeping the emotional wound open.

Looking back I think ignorance / being naive about miscarriages led to me building an emotional cave with room for one.

I’m an emotional chap, even if I don’t show it at times and don’t know how best to express them.

So just call me a wimp.

I’m a wimp and proud.

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3 responses

26 08 2011
Anonymous

I think your wife is a very lucky lady.

26 08 2011
The wife

Anonymous – yes, I am! 🙂

26 08 2011
Frankwell

I’m lucky because I’ve been a bit of a div at times and have only had to deal with the emotional side!

I think we are both been lucky as we’ve been there for each other through thick and then. It’s certainly a test of any relationship whether you like it or not and hopefully everyone pulls through regardless of the outcome. Musn’t forget that you still have each other at the end of the day.

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