I choose, the handbag…

17 11 2011

If Jean-Claude Van Damme movies are anything to go by, underground pit fights are kicked off with two muscle-bound morons choosing a weapon that they think will dismember, disembowel, disfigure or just generally dis their opponent the best.

You can even dip your hands in glue in a fighters version of pick ‘n’ mix – bowls of broken glass, nails and other sharp pointy things that will really smart.

But I think they are missing a trick.

The humble handbag.

To the untrained (male) eye it’s just a bit of dried out cow skin, but wielded in capable hands it can become a ferocious weapon.

You can witness these underground pit fights in the tube.

Handbags push people to one side.

Handbags travel close to the speed of sound.

Handbags are carried at a strategic level that somehow naturally zeroes into man’s own leathery bag.

Handbags can suffocate when you are sitting down and they are pushed into your face.

Jimmy Choo's latest handbag always looked after its mistress.

This weapon of choice is terrifying because of its unpredictable nature.

And that is why you do not see it in these Van Damme movies.

They were banned under the Hague Convention.

There is also a rumour that part of the problem is spatial awareness, but that’s not for me to comment…




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