And the moron crown goes to…

22 08 2012

I’ve done plenty of stupid things in my life, mostly to myself, yesterday’s blog being a case in point.

Sometimes these things are done deliberately, but mostly they prove to be (happy) accidents.

My crowning glory of all accidents happened one dark, dark day back in 2008 down in Cornwall.

We had a new baby on the scene on my wife’s side of the family, and being the clown that I am, I took it upon myself to entertain her.

Out of all the toys that she had, I chose a car window mobile.

You know the ones – attach them to the window with a sucker cup and they hang over the baby with flashing lights, things that move accompanied by annoying music.

Well, young Harriet, the baby in question seemed to be enjoying the toy and I did what surely all people would have done in that situation.

I used the sucker cup to attach it to my forehead.

At first everything was going well as it produced a smile (probably wind).

After a bit of trouble, I eventually detached it and tried another toy but it did not have the same effect.

So with great gusto I put it back on my forehead.

A little while later when the novelty wore off, I tried to get it off my forehead.

It didn’t budge.

Mild panic set in.

I called my loving wife in knowing that she’d help me out.

She just laughed at me saying something about looking like a magical unicorn.

After some further persuasion and a few expletives, she helped out…

…by yanking it off my forehead.

It flipping hurt.

Then after a look of absolute shock, she burst into laughter.

“OH MY GOD! EVERYONE COME THROUGH AND LOOK AT PAUL NOOOOOOOOOOOWWW!”

Now I really started to panic.

Abi’s parents, brother and sister-in-law shot through and immediately went into hysterics, all pointing at me.

The result?

Bow down before the King of the Morons.

Feel free to click on the image to get a larger version.

Not only was a horrific, perfectly circular bruise forming on my forehead, there was a large lump straight behind it.

From the side I looked like a rhino who’d lost his horn to poachers.

But of course the fun didn’t end there.

After dinner, that was interspersed with moments of silence before someone couldn’t help laughing at me, it dawned on me.

I had to go to work on Monday.

How could I turn up to work looking like that?

I considered make-up, baseball caps, feigning illness and a mask.

But in the end I decided all I could do was just go in and take the abuse I was bound to get.

The journey into work was interesting.

A lot of double takes, muffled laughter and general staring took place.

My team was not sympathetic.

I was paraded around the office like a freak fresh out of the circus.

A mate told me later that he could tell where I was in the office by listening out for laughter.

It was depressing to say the least.

After going through virtually every colour in the rainbow, it started to go after about two weeks.

Having tried to forget about this little episode, I went back to my old office where I was subject of much ridicule for a few catch up drinks a few months back.

On the notice board for the building was this lovely greeting.

We live and learn.

Just some of us need to learn more than others.

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10 responses

22 08 2012
Mondrak

As soon as you said “Car mobile” I knew what was going to happen. I’ve seen it before. Someone put it on their head just before I put it on mine. As a result, we all fell about laughing when it came off. He had put one on either side of his neck too and was careful not to dislodge them. Trying to explain to his girlfriend later they were NOT love bites was a job and a half 😀

22 08 2012
Frankwell

Lol! I’m happy to hear I’m not alone!

2 09 2012
The Good Villager

It was for a good cause 😉

3 09 2012
Frankwell

Unfortunately I think you are right!

4 09 2014
Anonymous

Lol, at least I’m not the only idiot like that. Just got my bruise a couple of hours ago. Hope it’ll go off in a week…

8 09 2014
Frankwell

Yeah I feel for you and wish a speedy recovery. Took me about 2 weeks to calm down. Enjoy the funny stares and double takes from passers-by.

29 01 2015
Darthcuddles

I googled for this specifically because I did the same thing yesterday. Now I have a perfectly circular bruise on my forehead and people in the office (from where I am typing this) are looking at me wondering why I am wearing a beanie. It’s actually quite cold in here this morning so I’m hoping I can get away with it. Thank you for sharing this, I feel much better now. Going to share it with the world and own it. Picture will follow.

29 01 2015
Darthcuddles

Here it is:

3 02 2015
Frankwell

You should wear it like a badge of honour. No to the beanie! I have a feeling we should start up a club. Hope it vanishes soon!

18 03 2015
Double trouble… | A minute with me

[…] I now appear in the top Google image search for ‘bruise forehead’ which I guess is the result of this blog. […]

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