Groaning in the early hours…

22 10 2012

Some people like a heads-up before I embark on stories that involve baby poo.

Heads-up.

The last seven months with JJ has been filled with all manner of new experiences.

Experiences that have startled and at times numbed all of my senses.

Last night was no exception.

I was awoken in the wee small hours by a groaning noise.

“Nnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggggggggg.”

It wasn’t neighbour ‘A’ rutting away like a stag or neighbour ‘B’ choking to death.

Silence again.

“Nnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggggggggg.”

As the mists of sleep cleared, I slowly worked out the noise emanated from the nursery.

“Nnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggggggggg.”

He couldn’t have been benching 100kgs, which would have explained the noise.

So what was he up to?

And then it clicked.

It was his now increasingly common 3.30am poo.

Except there was something different about this one.

He did not sound happy in the slightest.

Imagine dropping a bucket of Nutella on the floor.

After the noises I was hearing, that was what I was expecting to see.

But no, it was quite the opposite.

After opening his nappy a bit, protruding from his little bottom was what looked like a brown thumb.

(no Jimmy jokes thanks.)

On closer inspection, there was no mess in his nappy either.

Peculiar.

Poor little JJ was passing what looked and felt like a stick of brown rock.

No wonder he was groaning.

Having called wifey through and turning on the lights I then saw that the exasperation was causing his head to go bright red.

He looked into my eyes as if to say “Daddy, please make it stop, end my pain.”

So I did what any Daddy would do.

I snapped it off.

But like the cutting off the serpent head of a Hydra, this thing kept growing back to the sound of “Nnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggggggggg.”

Without going into too much detail, I repeated this procedure with Herculean effort about four times until he was done.

With some relief his mood changed, a smile was back on his face and not long after cuddling his monkey, he was back asleep.

I have a bad feeling that one day, this experience will manifest itself in my dreams in an evil and unforgiving way.

When I’m old and infirm with JJ looking after me, I’ll have to remember this moment in time and exact my revenge.

“Nnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggggggggg.”

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4 responses

22 10 2012
Alastair

Awww crap!! poor little mite

22 10 2012
Frankwell

Yeah I felt really sorry for him 😦

22 10 2012
Grace

funny! 🙂 Poor little thing 🙂

22 10 2012
Frankwell

Thanks Grace! Kind of brings a tear to your eye in many ways!

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