26 10 2012

Over the past few months, I’ve had my own little early warning device alerting me that I’ve had a drink at night.

It’s like one of those World War II air raid sirens.

Slowly building up.

Getting louder and louder.

And you know that trouble is on its way.

Of course, I’m referring to JJ.

I now get why so many friends and family advised me not to drink too much during the early years.

Apparently a baby crying is about 110 decibels.

To put that into context, an ambulance siren is 120 decibels.

However, add one budding hangover in the early hours and you have a sound, no exaggeration, equivalent to a bomb going off next to your ear.

I have a theory.

The perceived decibel level of a baby crying is directly proportional to the units of alcohol consumed.

Bear with me here…

y ∝ x (fancy symbol meaning directly proportional.)

Where y = perceived decibel level and x = units of alcohol consumed.

Normally when you work out these types of maths questions you need a constant ‘k’.

In this case k is the decibel level of a baby crying.

k = 110

Not trying to exaggerate the decibel level too much this equation then becomes:

y = k + x (it could be y = kx but then we’d get silly decibels!)

Still with me?

Let’s assume that a pint is 3 units, so for example, if you’d had about 3 pints this becomes:

110 + 9 = 119 perceived decibels – almost at ambulance siren level.

A particularly heavy session might be:

110 + 30 = 140 perceived decibels – firecracker territory.

However, I think there is another thing that needs to be factored in.

The time your little bundle of love wakes up and crys in the morning.

As the morning hours while away, your headache increases in intensity.

So we now have (n), a factor to multiply the units by where ‘n’ represents the number of hours since you fell asleep.

Therefore, y = k + x(n)

Having 5 pints and being woken up after 1 hour is nowhere near as bad as after 7 hours, for example:

110 + 15*1 = 125 perceived decibels, still ambulance siren territory.


110 + 15*7 = 215 perceived decibels, now we are talking the Space Shuttle as it launches.

Anyway, that’s just my theory and I agree, it’s not 100% perfect!

But feel free to play around with the maths.

Next up, I’ll tackle manflu…




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