The world’s longest poo…

19 06 2013

Don’t worry, no imagery to accompany this one.

Some of you have read about my experiences of JJ’s poo.

It’s not clever.

It’s not hard.

Well rarely anyway.

I was working from home yesterday and JJ decided early on in the day he needed a poo.

So at about 0745hrs I was greeted with a “Nnnnnnnggggggggggggg.”

Nothing unusual there.

I checked his nappy to discover a little skid.

Something a gnat would have been proud of.

So off comes the nappy.

0812hrs – “Nnnnnnnggggggggggggg” – A fly’s skid.

0856hrs – “Nnnnnnnggggggggggggg” – A sparrow’s skid

0921hrs – “Nnnnnnnggggggggggggg” – A rat’s skid, and a couple of small nuggety treats.

You get the picture (or hopefully not).

This progressed through the day with no real sign of his bowels moving properly.

Just lots of progressively longer skids.

You know those inkblot tests that psychologists use?

The Rorschach test.

Well you could have used JJ’s nappies.

A butterfly.

A dog.

The Turin Shroud.

Anyway, I digress.

Every so often I was treated to more nuggets and found myself spurring him on to produce bigger ones.

Cranking his little legs like an old fashioned bilge pump.

It wasn’t until about 1830hrs and after plenty of red faces and tears that we hit a seam.

Brown gold.

His demeanour changed instantly as he worked out the remnants.

Poor little thing.

And like a father taking a dead goldfish to its watery grave I visited the toilet with this little brown minnow.

Bon voyage.

It took nearly 10 hours to have that poo.

Surely a record?


Work from home parents, I salute you…

18 06 2013

How do you do it?

Emails flying in like a flock of starlings. <edit – a murmuration apparently.>

Aircraft coming in to land.

Phones chiming like crickets on a sunny day.

What sounds like the call to prayer emanating from the beast in the corner.

Work that needs doing yesterday.

A grunting noise that means another behemoth of a poo is rearing its ugly head.

Research for interviews.

Squeals demanding attention.

Hungry cries.

And all this before 9am.

I don’t know how people can work from home when there’s a little rug rat pulling at your trousers, burying his six tiny razor like teeth into your thigh while you tap tap tap at your computer.

All I know is, you’re veterans of a war I simply don’t want to endure.

And for that, I salute you.

Now where’s that baby gone…

The eyes scream mischief.

The eyes scream mischief.

It’s a necessary evil…

12 06 2013

I’ve recently embarked on an adventure.

Now when most people say this, it means they are about to explore the Amazon Basin.

Embark on research to cure cancer.

Go on a one way journey to Mars.

Well not me.

I’ve resigned without the prospect of a new job.

So I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching to determine what would be the next best role for me.

But then I looked at the bank account I realised that the soul-searching  needs to come later.

Or when my mid-life crisis kicks in I guess.

Which could be any moment.

I’m obviously hoping that I can get something sorted as quickly as possible.

Otherwise I’ll have to sell my son and as he can’t walk yet so I’m not sure I’d get a good price for him.

And then Wifey would have to be sold off too, or exchanged for a bag of magic beans.

I’m sure the dream job is out there but trying to work out what that could be is proving a mission.

It’s not exactly a buoyant job market.

But I must remember that I love the industry I work in and really want to stick it out.

Mark Twain said:

“Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.”

I whole heartedly agree.

When you love what you do it shouldn’t feel like work.

The next move will be fundamental in my career development and will probably determine whether I can make it in this industry or not.

So no pressure then.

Let’s see what happens.

And hopefully I’ll avoid the evil in the process.

Guilty pleasures…

10 06 2013

I love a good film.

Don’t we all?

Kicking back, glass of wine, escapism if but for a brief respite.

And so it was that I found myself in front of one of my favourite films at the weekend.

Picture a businessman who was not only lost in a new city but in life and a working girl who whose values jar with her chosen career.

Create a chance encounter.


A mutual business transaction leads to untold riches but not before our heroine is scorned by society and turns to an unlikely hero for comfort.

There’s a billion dollar deal at stake.

A big mistake.

Chuck in a punch up.

The inevitable change in perspective.

And of course, a fairytale ending.

The film?

Pretty Woman.

Guilty pleasure?

Too right.

Easter egg trails…

4 06 2013

<This should have been posted after Easter and was in my drafts, oops!>

As part of my Easter weekend with family, we visited a National Trust property – Fell Foot Park.

They were running an Easter egg trail with Cadbury’s.

It was also a great opportunity to get the kids out of the house again following their trip to Docker Park Farm.

And with a wonderful back drop of Lake Windermere it was in a sublime setting.

My niece was the only active participant in the trail as my nephew was a bit young.

Instead, he got stuck into the playground and was not best happy when we eventually left.

The trail was a nice excuse for a walk around some of the grounds.

It was also fun to see Evie complete the trail and be victorious in her completion of the trail.

JJ was of course happy to be there.

He just didn’t show it.