Beanz Meanz, er, I’m not sure anymore…

24 08 2015

What on earth is going on?

I used to find solace in food.

Especially branded food.

There was a constant, a taste guarantee that other own label brands could not surpass.

From tomato sauce to tuna, some brands were just simply the best.

But my branded food world was turned upside down the other day by the power of just one word.

A word that causes panic amongst some, negativity amongst others and smugness in the rest.

This word?


My food snobbery was put to the test.

With an almost petulant attitude I succumbed to having Aldi beans on toast at home.

Wifey’s on a cost saving exercise.

I was brought up on Heinz baked beans.

It felt wholeheartedly wrong to betray them (does that make me a has-bean?).

I felt layers of comfort being peeled away as easily as an Aldi onion.

And the result?

Regrettably they were good.

In fact I preferred them.

So I’ll tell you what Beanz Meanz.

Beanz Meanz Aldi (and saving a ton of cash).


My family is now complete…

14 08 2015

<edit: it’s been about 4 weeks, since I wrote this, trying to play catch up!>

As you may have noticed, I did not have a 38 week post update on our pregnancy.

I’m proud to say that on 25th June 2015 at 1710hrs, Logan Jago Mellor was born.

Mother and baby are both well.

Logan was two weeks early, weighing in at 6lbs 4ozs.

He may have been small but his presence was certainly felt.

The two weeks that followed will be looked back upon with fond memories.

It was two of the best and hardest weeks of my life.

Both my parents and Wifey’s parents were there to help look after JJ while we were in hospital.

After they left we had a week to ourselves letting it all sink in.

Wifey’s Mum stayed with us for a week to help out – a godsend.

I’ve finished my paternity leave and am back at work.


I miss my family like crazy but I’m sure routine will kick in again soon enough.

My Mum and Dad are now with us to help out.

Thank the maker for family.

Photos will follow.

37 weeks, not long to go…

17 06 2015

Wifey is 37 weeks today.

“Bunky” is becoming more obvious with his movements.

We were at Whipsnade Zoo with JJ when I took this video (watch closely).

Crazy to think there is a little human in there that can’t wait to get out.

Well that moment might be slightly sooner than planned.

Subject to tests and consultations, Bunky could be with us any day now…

B is for baby…

28 05 2015

Wifey is now 34 weeks.

Bunky is getting bigger and bigger.

That’s the name that JJ gave his baby brother.

I think it’s derived from pumpkin.

Perhaps Mummy’s tummy reminded him of one.

Who knows.

But as Wifey got up from the sofa last night like an un-oiled robot, her profile reminded me of something.

The letter B.

So in honour of the letter B, the late BB King and of course Wifey, here is a little video.




The 33 week old bottle of White Lightning…

21 05 2015

Wifey is now 33 weeks.

Not long to go.

A few people have commented on how good I am at remembering how far along Wifey is in the pregnancy.

But as with all things, there’s an app for that.

‘My pregnancy’ – provides lots of interesting insights.

In the latest description from the app it said:

Whereas before you could walk comfortably, now you may find yourself waddling.

I think Wifey started waddling a while back.

It’s obviously something that you cannot find funny.

But comparing a pregnant women to a duck?

Well that is kind of funny (behind closed doors and a million miles away from Wifey).

The app also tells you each week how big the baby is, comparing it to some random object.

At 33 weeks apparently he is the size of a pineapple.

One thing I never thought to do was get a bloke version of the app.

What do you think the bloke’s app compared my 33 week unborn child to?

Well unfortunately I did not want to pay $2.99 to find out, but this will probably give you a good indication of what to expect.


Perhaps our baby is the size of a bottle of White Lightning now.

Maybe he’ll mature into a bottle of Champagne by the time he pops out.

Bloomin’ marvellous…

27 04 2015

For our 5th anniversary I bought Abi a tree and had it planted in the grounds of Offley Place where we got married.

It was a Prunus ‘Blushing Bride’ (Shogetsu).

The idea is that we can come back each year to see how it’s grown along with Joshie.

We went to see how it was doing at the weekend, as it’s due to produce its signature cherry blossom.

The tree is very young so we were not sure what to expect.

As you will see from the photo below, it has started blooming.

And so has Wifey.



Oh bollocks…

7 04 2015


I found myself in Sainsbury’s on Good Friday.

JJ kept me company as we sought out food for the long weekend ahead.

He was a little angel.

At no point was he naughty.

At no point did he grab things from the shelves.

At no point did he shout out anything bad.

Mind you, at one point he was shouting “Uncle Paul” at me which he found hilarious.

With our trolley full we finally departed Sainsbury’s just at a point when JJ’s patience was wearing thin.

We got back to the car, I opened the boot and…


The boot contained a sand and water play thing that took up all the space.


Oh oh.

The little parrot sitting in the trolley had heard me.


“No Joshie I didn’t say that I said trolley.”


Without even knowing what the word meant, he’d already used it correctly.

Not sure why I said trolley as it sounds nothing like bollocks, but eventually it worked, after a few more rounds of “bollocks” and more laughter.

If I had turned up home with JJ shouting out bollocks, I don’t think I would have risen from the dead.

The incident reminded me of an ad for VW.

Note to self, must be more careful in future.